Locksmithing and Security

Once or twice a month we (at least I assume it happens to other locksmiths) get a call along the lines of, “I’m abroad at the moment. There are some xs I’ve left in my flat. Will you go and let my friend in so’s he can y them to me.”

I’m afraid we won’t. Like the “constitution” of the UK, the law about what locksmiths can or can’t do isn’t written down. We spend most of our time in an arrestable state. Simply carrying the tools of our trade could be interpreted as going equipped to steal. Carrying a knife of any size is an offense unless it can fold and chop your finger off. (Knives with locking blades, even those shorter than the time-honoured three inches, currently count as fixed blade weapons.) Now of course any citizen of the UK can be arrested at any time for a whole raft of offenses, so we’re used to this. Even if you’ve ensured you have straw under the seat of your taxi, even if you did your archery practice last Sunday, you can still always be arrested for a Breach of the Peace, which means whatever the officer wants it to mean. (OK, I think the straw and the archery laws are no longer on the books, but they were there for a long time.) And of course as of the last few weeks, you can be arrested for photographing anything an officer deems sensitive. I’m slightly astonished that the footage (and photographers) of the events preceding the death of  Ian Tomlinson at the recent London G20 protests saw the light of day.

So I’m certainly not going to aid and abet anyone other than the rightful occupant in getting into their premises.

Naturally, there will be occasions when such a request is genuine. There are also occasions where a landlord by any reasonable judgement ought to be admitted to their premises. But I’m afraid the ice gets even thinner in these circumstances and our skates are not light.

What do you think?

As a biker who is regularly pissed off by the antics of other bikers (and cyclists, who are just as bad yet see themselves as eco-saints), I sink further into resigned gloom when I see that an EU directive combined with the usual British inability to organize or fund anything means that even fewer bikers will get trained or insured.

There used to be 260 motorcycle test centres. Now a more complicated bike test means that there are only going to be 66 test centres. So you won’t be able to book a test. So if you were already dreading taking the test this will be what convinces you not to bother a) with the test, but b) and more importantly, not to bother with a training centre because the test they book for you as part of the package will be at the other end of the country and at the other end of the year.

I’ve always been a biker but it’s particularly useful for my job, working as I do in South-West London. If I’m called out between 0800 and 0930 or between 1700 and 1830 I go on the bike as the van would take forever and stress-reduce the tiny bit of the rest of my life that wasn’t in the van. Of course I get some stick about this from other locksmiths who don’t believe you can be organized enough to work from a bike. They have arguments amongst themselves along the lines of, “You must be joking mate, you can’t call yourself a locksmith using a Somevanorother, it’s too small. You need a Yetanothervan like mine. I bought it second-hand from the local elephant ambulance service and added a workbench with a vice.” I tease them by turning up to shared jobs on roller blades and with a rucksack.

And let’s not let car drivers off the hook. Because of the reduced personal risk, an even smaller percentage of them bother with lessons, tests and insurance. And what are the police doing? The police are fighting their own email and computer systems and the paperwork that the computer systems were meant to replace. If you see a police officer on the street they’re going to work or coming back. You might read a couple of the blogs in the blogroll — whichendbites and The Policman’s Blog if you haven’t already.

Does anyone else work from a bike? Anyone know where you get those compact ladders that bike-based handymen use? I seriously want one of those.