Quite windy yesterday. Three people out in their front garden in dressing gowns. Don’t forget to put a spare latch key in your dressing gown pocket. (And resist the temptation to dash out to the bin in nightie or PJs.)
Where’s the best place to keep a spare key once you’ve made sure that a good friend who never goes out or on holiday has one? The pocket of your dressing gown.
The second most likely situation for a lockout is if you ever decide it won’t hurt to get the milk/shut the gate/pull the bin back from the street/rescue a bird from the cat/… in your dressing gown. Murphy’s Law clearly states that that is when the sudden gust of wind will come from nowhere and blow the door shut with you only half-decent and half-way down the garden path.
Incidentally, some say that it should have been named Sod’s Law. Actually it was Finagle’s Law, which only goes to show that (s)he was right.
And the most likely situation where you will lock yourself out? Moving day. As if the stresses of a move weren’t already enough, unfamiliarity with locking mechanisms and the new location of the hall table mean that a lot of people lock themselves out whilst moving in. Keep all your keys in your pockets at all times for the first ten days of living in a new place.
I attended a lost key lockout this morning where the door had two high security locks — unpickable and very expensive to destroy. And there were spare keys waiting inside.
It was a ground floor flat so I asked if there was access to the back door. No. We could try to raise a neighbour but there were high fences with a trellises between the properties. Anyway I’m not up for climbing fences today.
Ah, but the top flat are having an attic room added, the builders are there right now and there’s a ladder all the way (three stories) down to the back yard.
Neighbour and neighbour’s builders were happy for us to troop up and climb down. I wasn’t quite so happy as it was a very long ladder.
The back door was locked with a double euro profile cylinder and the keys were in the inside half of the cylinder and they were turned. So it took two bits of jiggery-pokery before I could start picking the lock. But eventually we were in.
Morals:
If your safe is beeping at you, it’s probably trying to tell you that its battery is failing. Please minister to its needs and replace the battery. Especially if some genius designer has put the batteries inside the safe. And if you can’t face changing the batteries please do just pop and check that the override key and the instructions aren’t locked inside the safe.
Are you the kind of person who likes to be prepared and who doesn’t like surprises and emergencies? Then you might like to check what locks are fitted to your front door. And if it turns out to be exotic or high security, you might want to recall or discover who fitted it or manufactured it. Then if, heaven forbid, you find you’ve been locked out one day — actually it’s never day it’s always night and a cold, wet and windy one at that — you’ll have a start on who might be able to get you back inside again. You might also want to ensure that a trusted friend who never takes holidays has a spare key.
If you have a Chubb, Yale, Union, ERA, Legge, Securefast, Walsall, Willenhall or Imperial, for example, then you have a regular lock. If you have a Banham, a MulTlock, a Gerda, a Bramah, for example, then you have a high-security or exotic lock. (If you have a Bramah lock you are in good and ancient company. Mr Pickwick had a Bramah.)
The local authority here has been fitting front doors with an imported lock system that would do the front door of a desirable castle proud: a lock that’s completely unique driving huge medieval bolts. However, lock yourself out and try calling said local authority and you will be told to call a locksmith. Call a locksmith and you will be told that they have no idea how to get you in.
If you have a local authority front door with a completely circular keyhole right in the middle of the door and some impressive boltwork on the inside, contact your local authority and get a definitive answer on how you a) get a spare key, and b) gain entry should you ever find yourself locked out.
If you’re not sure, and you’re living in the UK, leave a comment and I’ll venture an opinion on your lock’s surprise-quotient.
Normally I rescue people stuck outside and occasionally people stuck inside; and normally it’s the fire brigade who rescue cats — from trees, drains, etc.
Here, however, a living room door latch bolt had parted company with the tubular latch retraction hook. And a kitten was locked inside the living room.
I had a quick look at the window and, full marks, it had proper locks, so it was back to the door. The kitten seemed to think I’d been sent to alleviate its boredom. It had got tired of the food scraps the owner had been pushing under the door, so whenever I popped a mirror or other sundry device or instrument within its reach, it had a fine old time trying to pull it from my grasp.
It all ended well, I’m happy to report; although I should have remembered about the food scraps waiting for my hands and knees just inside the door.
It’s not just kittens who like to play with locksmith tools that appear through a door. Many of my colleagues have fallen to the dark side and open doors for the gas board, the electricity board and sundry others who’ve persuaded a Justice of the Peace to issue an entry warrant. I’m kidding about the dark side of course; my colleagues are the Jedi of the industry in that they rarely use a drill or other destructive means of entry (nor do they use light sabers which are pretty destructive), they pick their way in. But while someone who hasn’t paid their bill and is quietly watching the door from the inside isn’t going to grab a drill bit, they do tend to grab anything else they see. One of the many stress-increasing aspects that keeps me away from that side of the work.
Today was the first lockout I’ve attended for ages. It’s been nothing but fitting and changing locks for over a week. Is it the recession? Are people being more careful, both with keys and with money?
Locksmith folklore has it that when money is tight and people find themselves locked out, they break one of their windows or kick their door in rather than calling a locksmith. However, glazing a window or repairing a door both cost more than a locksmith. Well, more than this locksmith at least. And I attended at least one “morning after” where the guy had dislocated his shoulder trying to get in and had spent the best part of the night at A&E.
When you’re looking for a tradesperson, don’t call the biggest or the earliest entries in the directory. They will be paying a lot for that ad and will have to charge you more. Try to find a local tradesperson. Ask if you’re actually speaking to the locksmith or if you can speak to the locksmith. That way you’ll avoid the call centres, avoid being charged up to twice as much, and actually be getting a locksmith or whatever you’re looking for rather than heaven knows who.